You have a secret crush, do you tell?

You have a big crush on a man that may appear to some of your friends to be out of your league and maybe not on your level in their eyes.   He inspires you and motivates you to chase your dream and to believe in your dreams. You admire and love his work and you can visualize yourself telling him how much you admire him, but that small voice of rejection taps you in the shoulder to keep quite. What do you do?  Should you tell your secret crush that you would like to get to know him?  Or do you keep quiet and admire him from a distance? 

Well, now it's been a year and you still have not said anything to him about your attraction or your interest. Besides the fact that he is handsome, he has a smile that knocks you off your feet.   His position when he enters a room demands the attention of every woman and man because he has a light that is shining bright on him.  He is educated, he is intelligent, he is a child of God, and most importantly, he knows who he is.  A man that knows who he is and he knows his purpose is a powerful man that a sister must get to know.  His spiritual demeanor is luring to your spiritual woman and his body is amazing and you are drawned into him like a butterfly to a light.

You are ready to spread your wings like an eagle and soar high, but there is one problem.  He does not even know your name or even that you are interested in him.  Better yet, he does not even see you.  You haev a secret crush, do you tell him that you are interested?

What do you do?  Should you keep your secret or make the secret known?  Will he reject you?  Will he accept you.  So many questions, one asks. 

Photo Source: Pinterest Blackwomen

 

Why do people stay in Toxic Relationships

Why do women and men stay in toxic relationships? What is the purpose of being with someone who depletes you instead of adding value? Relationships do require equal work and commitment from both parties.  A relationshp's journey should not drain you nor should it become a burdern. 

So the first question I posed, why do women and men stay in toxic relationships? Let's start by defining a toxic relationship. A toxic relationship is one where you are not compatible with the person and as a result you loose who you are as you struggle to become someone your not. You try to become the person that they want you to be instead of being you.  You can actually loose yourself identity in a toxic relationship. You allow someone's opinion to shape you instead of allowing yourself to become whole independently of that person. 

Secondly, you have no peace of mind because the relationship depletes all of your energy and does not add any value to you or the relationship. A toxic relationship can be with someone that is bad for you emotionally and physically. It strarts with allinating you from your family and friends.  This person may not wants to control your every move and know where you are at all times.  It becomes tolerable then you just go through the emotions to keep down arguements.  It's not healthy to stay in these types of relationships. Some toxic relationship can lead to your own demise if you don't walk away from it sooner than later. 

What's is the purpose of staying with someone who depletes you and not adding value? When dating someone, the question is he or she going to add value to me and the relationship should cross your mind. You have to ask yourself are they going to be a taker, a giver, or a combination?  This should be a question that one ask themselves by the 2nd date. Don't you think?

If you are in a toxic relationship, you should evaluate that relationship immediately. God forbid, do not marry the person thinking they will no longer be toxic in your life.  Or that you can change them by becoming his wife or her husband.  Things will only get worse.  Don't commit to a life with a toxic person. That is not what those wedding vows meant.   

So, why do women and men stay in toxic relationships?
 

He asked you for a threesome, what do you do?

Here is a question that I have heard from couples and friends. Your significant other or husband asked you to have a threesome, what do you say? Intimacy should be between two people because adding a third person means problems, drama, and uncontrollable emotions.

Photo credit source: via Pinterest www.iadoremo.tumblr.com 

You should say no for so many reasons. With the first one asking yourself, why would you want another woman in your bedroom with your husband or significant other?  Why would you share such intimate and private moment with a stranger or even a friend. This opens up a door that can become dangerous.

 Let's review perfect example not to do open that door. I was driving from work one evening and a caller called the radio station discussing the act of a threesome.  The caller actually agreed to the threesome, but she regret doing it because it was with a friend. The caller stated she enjoyed herself, and found she could not leave her boyfriend for a woman.  The friend wanted her to leave her boyfriend for her, but she lived her man more.  However, their friendship ended because it was now awkward and uncomfortable. Three lives affected by fulfilling a fantasy for one night. 

So my question to all the ladies, why would you open the door for another woman to enter your bedroom? This room should be scared and treasured. Is your love and inhibitions not enough? You should never allow another woman into your bedroom with you and your husband  let alone boyfriend that you are dating. This is an open invitation to keeping an open relationship. 

If your husband came home  right now and asked you, what would you say? Would you fulfill his fantasy for a threesome? 

Marriage-Is he ready for marriage?

Is he ready for marriage? How does one know when a prospective mate or someone your dating is ready for marriage? You learn these things by communicating up front in the getting to know me phase (Date 1) before you invest time in a relationship. Before he says 2 years later he is not ready for marriage or he is never getting marriage.

 

I have heard few pastors preach on this matter. Most say, all men know when they are ready for marriage. I agree with that statement. If he has a true relationship with God, he will be able to recognize his wife when the father presents her to him.  So, if your dating a man and he tells you up front that he is not looking for a wife or he is not ready for marriage believe him.  Allow him to get himself together and ready for marriage. 

 

Men and women mature at different ages and that's okay. Men like to have themselves together before stepping into a committed marriage. Most real men pride themselves on being able to be a provider of the household. I have watched friends and associates  go through the joy of dating someone and pressuring him into marriage only for them to get divorced less than a year because he was not ready. He only did it to shut her up. Most importantly, a man chasing his dream may or may not be ready for a wife.

Photo Source: Corbis via Facebook

Wise words to live by, allow him to be ready for marriage and not pressured into marriage so that you can have longevity of a healthy and happy marriage.  

Is the guy your dating, ready for marriage? 

What type of relationship defines your love life?

I was reading an article by Morgan Miller, 23 Types of Relationships that define your love life.  The link to the article is http://www.lovepanky.com/flirting-flings/dating-game/types-of-relationships and you can read more about it and other referenced articles.  I will be discussing these various topics as I agree with some of Morgan's statements that compatibility is going to be key to defining the type of relationship that you are apart of.

Photo Credits: Pinterest/thisisyourconscience.com

Let's start with the five types of relationships that Morgan Miller discusses that defines your love life because these were interesting to me:

1. The Co-dependent Relationship
2. The Controlling Relationship
3. The Open Relationship
4. Friends With Benefits
5. Toxic Relationships

The Co-dependent Relationship, Morgan describes as being too dependent on your partner and not being able to make decisions without him or her.  I describe this as a needed or clingy relationship as the person relies solely on their partner to exist.  There is insecurity in this relationship with the partner that is dependent on the other.  Most men that I have talked with cannot stand an insecure woman and most women do not want an insecure man.  For me, I prefer not to be in this type of relationship because I need my partner to be able to make decisions without me at times especially when it comes to dinning out, attending movie or sports events.  This type of relationship cannot have longevity because it's too needy.

The controlling relationship and the Toxic Relationships, Morgan describes these separate with Controlling relationship as one partner dominant in the relationship while the other just follows his or her lead.  This relationship has signs of an abusive relationship that can become very toxic to the person's well being. Morgan describes Toxic Relationships as those that appear to be happy from the outside but miserable on the inside.  These type of relationships drain the life and happiness out of you.  It's like saying misery loves company and this is not a healthy relationship that if you define it in the first 30-60 days, then you need to remove yourself from this relationship as it will grow into more than a toxic relationship.  It will eventually lead to an abusive relationship. 

Friends with Benefits and The Open Relationship that Morgan describe are the same in the sense that you are sleeping with someone other than your partner.  Morgan defines Friends with benefits as sex with no attachments which results in someone falling in love.  I agree with this definition based on past experiences.  Sex is emotional and women and men do become emotionally attached.  His definition for The Open Relationship is described as having intimate relationships with others outside of the relationship because you are not open to intimacy with once another, but committed to the relationship.  Now, that seems more like your still in the dating phase of a relationship where no one has committed to a relationship of monogamy.

For those that are new to dating, which of the five types out of 23 define your relationship?  Do you even think about this when you are dating a person?  Does it cross your mind to define the type of relationship after 3 dates?

Welcome To Mya's Relationship Chronicles

Welcome to Mya's Relationship Chronicles that discuss love, romance, deceit, dating, and trials of relationships.  Everyone woman is searching for her Mr. Right and the man of her dreams.  However, at what cost will it take to get Mr. Right?

This all new rebrand and renamed Blog will be thought provoking and engaging as we discuss the dynamics of relationships. Many of the relationship articles will come from rebuttal articles from some of my favorite magazines online and print such as Essence, Hello Beautiful Magazine, For Harriet, The Root, and many more.   Building off of experiences in relationship journey to being found by Mr. Right not Mr. Wrong.  All views are that of the author. 

Welcome to my author's Blog Mya Diamonds. 

The blog articles will be enlightening and thought provoking to keep you coming back for more. 

Spoken Word-I Can't Breathe without You

I can't breathe without you.
I can't breathe without your touch.
I can't breath without your kiss.
I can't breathe without your smile.
I can't breathe without your gentle strokes against my body.
I can't breathe without the your arms wrapped around me to protect me, to embrace me, to caress me.
I can't breathe without your warm body pressed against mine.
I can't breathe without your love.
I can't breathe without your electrifying touch of your lips that excites my body from head to toe.
I can't breathe without you.

Photo source Credits: Via Pinterest blacks dislike.tumblr.com 

 

All spoken words are owned by Letrise Carter and copyrighted 2015.